Without Memory
by Leh
Summary: Voldemort wants his teenage body back to become more powerful and achieves his goal. However the potion he used had some unexpected adverse effects which cause him to slowly loose his memories... will be TRHG
1. Of ancient Potions and loosing your Mind

Without Memory  
  
Disclaimer: If I owned Harry Potter, I wouldn't be writing fanfiction and wouldn't have to worry about paying next months bills, but as you can see, I do write fanfiction (and have to worry about paying my bills) so there is only one possible conclusion, I do not own HP.  
  
Please also note that English isn't my first language, you'll have to forgive me if my grammar is off at times.  
  
Chapter 1:  
  
Of ancient Potions and loosing your Mind  
  
Lucius Malfoy walked briskly down the dark Corridors of Voldemorts Hideout. The old Manor they were currently residing in was lying secluded in a forest and not a soul lived within the next 20 kilometers, one of the reasons why Lord Voldemort had chosen it. It wasn't the nicest of places but served its purpose. Lucius was on his way to see his Master and despite this in an exceptionally good mood, for the first time in a while he did not have to worry about possible punishments for reporting yet another failed mission.  
  
No, this evening was different, finally after over 7 months of hard work, spent either in a dark and clammy Laboratory or the Manors dusty Library, he had successfully completed a Potion his Master had ordered him to brew. It hadn't been an easy task and Lucius had to admit that he would have been glad to have had Severus Snape's help more than once. Personal dislike aside, the Potions Master was without a doubt the best and most experienced when it came to the art of potions brewing. Lucius however hadn't dared to even suggest this, being aware of his Lord's distrust concerning Snape and the fact that it was more than likely justified, he had known that consulting the man for help was out of question.  
  
Not having another option he had spent the majority of his days researching, trying to decipher old recipes or blackmailing more than one person into telling him crucial information. Now it would be paying off. The potion was finished.  
  
He rounded the final corner almost running into Wormtail on the way, who judging by the Look of terror on his face, had had the honor of reporting to their Master today. The small, pudgy man let out a frightened squeak before hurrying off as fast as his short legs would carry him. Smirking to himself and shaking his head Lucius knocked on the old wooden doors of Lord Voldemort's personal chambers. Wormtail would never change, it had been his cowardice that put him into this position and it would be his cowardice that killed him one day.  
  
"Come in!"  
  
Lucius did not fail to notice the impatience and anger in Lord Voldemort's voice. He took a deep breath, staring at the small Vial in his hand for a moment, before pushing open the double doors and stepping inside, telling himself that he had nothing to fear today.  
  
The room was sparsely lit, the only light coming from a small lamp sitting on Voldemorts desk. The bulky old and dark wooden furniture together with the shadows the small lamp was throwing across the floor made Lucius feel like the walls of the room where closing in on him. He bowed down to Voldemort who was sitting behind his desk, blood red eyes gleaming in the darkness, his snakelike face seemingly even paler than usual. He was regarding his servant with a look of indifference but Lucius knew this expression too well to be fooled. His master wasn't in a good mood at all.  
  
"Is there anything in particular that made you feel the need to disturb me at this time of night?" Voldemort asked, leaning back in his chair closing the book he had been reading with an audible thud. Lucius resisted the urge to flinch and did not let his momentary uncertainty show as he glanced at the grandfather clock to his right, noticing that it was indeed far later than he had previously assumed, almost one o'clock in the morning.  
  
"Yes, Master, actually there is" he replied, fully intending to further explain himself when Voldemort cut him off mid sentence.  
  
"I hope it wasn't Wormtail who begged you to tell me the rest about yesterday's mission's disastrous outcome, because if so, I suggest you leave right now before we both have something to regret in the morning."  
  
"No, Master, nothing of the sort, I assure you." Lucius answered hurriedly. "No, I have good news." Voldemort arched an eyebrow at this "Indeed" he whispered, his interest sparked.  
  
"I was able to finally complete the potion you asked me to brew for you, it wasn't easy to get some of the necessary information, but here it is" Lucius held out the Vial, it's silvery content shimmering in the dim light, He watched as Voldemorts lipless mouth formed a satisfied smile. "Very good," he said standing up and walking around his desk, stopping in front of Lucius who was still offering the potion to him. "Very good. And you are sure of course, that this potion will have the desired effect." Lucius bowed again "Of course my Lord, by taking this you will be restored to your old body almost immediately." Voldemort merely nodded before taking the potion out of his servants hands. Lucius watched him and couldn't help but think that it would be a relief not to have to look at this snakelike monster anymore.  
  
Voldemort had sat down at his desk again, and uncorked the vial, throwing a last glance at Lucius he gulped down the potion, his face contorting in disgust at its bitter taste.  
  
Nothing happened and Lucius could feel the first sweat bullets form on his forehead. The tension in the room was palpable, the grandfather clocks rhythmic ticking slowly beginning to severely tear at his already strained nerves. After a good 3 minutes of waiting he was sure that he was done for, the potion should have shown an effect already. Much to his surprise though, Voldemort kept waiting patiently as if he knew something Lucius didn't.  
  
Then, all of a sudden Voldemort started to cough violently, doubling over in his seat, before falling to the floor in obvious pain. Lucius was instantly at his Masters side, for a moment forgetting what would happen to him if he, no matter how slim the chances, had indeed messed up this dangerous potion. That was, if his master was even able to punish him if he had. To his relief though, the man's appearance had begun to change. The potion was working.  
  
.-~*~-.  
  
After what seemed like hours of squirming in agony, Voldemort finally laid still and nothing but his ragged breathing could be heard. Lucius stared down at him, he hadn't expected the potion to cause this much pain, but then, he had expected it to work immediately either.  
  
In front of him now lay a boy with thick, shiny black hair that reached his shoulders, he had a rather cute face and at the moment wore an, for Voldemort extremely uncharacteristically, peaceful expression. Lucius had often contemplated what his Master would possibly look like, or more accurately did look like when he was younger, but never had he imagined him to have looked like this. His delicate face and slight frame stood in stark contrast to his cruel and merciless character.  
  
He was startled out of his thoughts when the boy stirred looking down Lucius found himself staring into beautiful bright green eyes. The boy's so far peaceful, if somewhat confused expression, now quickly changed into one of glee that Lucius knew very well. Voldemort sat up, and stared at his hands "So it worked" he said quietly. Lucius wasn't sure if this was a mere statement or if he expected some sort of confirmation. "It did" he replied, just in case. Standing up quickly Voldemort stared down at him. "You seem relieved. You weren't as doubtless about your potion as you made me believe I take it." Lucius would have panicked at this accusation for sure if Voldemort's appearance hadn't changed so drastically. Standing there having to hold his now too big robes together to keep them from sliding off his thin shoulders, he didn't look even half as intimidating as he, judging by his expression, wanted to..  
  
Lucius rose from his crouching position on the floor, shaking his head, hoping to avoid angering his master any further "No Master, I wouldn't dare, I was merely startled by its amazing effect." Voldemort now had to look up at Lucius. It obviously through him off for a moment because he stood there, mouth open, but not actually saying anything. Catching himself quickly though, he threw his head back in severe annoyance, again not exactly appearing as superior as intended "Is that so?" he asked. "Anyway, not that it matters now, it was a success after all. You may leave." Voldemort turned around and Lucius stared at his back for a moment, utterly surprised by this sudden and uncharacteristic mood swing, before deciding that he'd better do as he was told.  
  
.-~*~-.  
  
Standing outside the double doors once more, he couldn't help but wonder what exactly had happened in there. Voldemort had thrown him out of his chambers more than once, but this time had been different, he had appeared insecure and, Lucius had to admit, immature. "I wonder if this potion affected his mind as well as his body, but he would have taken this into consideration wouldn't he?"  
  
.-~*~-. -~*~-.-~*~-.-~*~-.-~*~-.-~*~-.-~*~-.-~*~-.  
  
Okay ^__^ this was the first chapter, what do you think? Is it worth continuing? The idea for this suddenly hit me out of the blue and I had to write it..wouldn't leave me alone ^^ The first chapter wasn't really good and I know it, but it was necessary for the actual plot. I could of course have started with Voldemort already having his old body back, but I wanted to show that there was something..wrong with him immediately after taking the potion. ;)  
  
Also.this will really be Tom Riddle/Hermione, you'll see ^-^  
  
It's the first time I tried to write a fanfiction in English; I hope there weren't too many mistakes.  
  
Next chapter: A Deatheater meeting with a moody and strangely forgetful Voldemort and Lucius has to face that he messed up the potion quite severely. 


	2. Of Forgetfulness and owning up to someth...

Disclaimer: Unfortunately not much has changed and I still don't own Harry Potter.  
  
Without Memory - Chapter 2:  
  
Of Forgetfulness and owning up to something  
  
.-~*~-.  
  
Voldemort heard the doors slam shut, but remained standing unmoving in front of the unlit fireplace. He couldn't explain why he had reacted the way he did and knew for sure, that Lucius had been just as surprised by his actions. He just hadn't been able to help it, this sudden feeling of being inferior to someone. Being inferior had always been something that had infuriated him beyond reason; he had hated it ever since he was very young. He remembered when he was at Hogwarts, he had felt like this day in day out. Dumbledore had always been able to make him feel this way by merely calling his name, by looking at him and even, or perhaps most of all, when he didn't seem to notice him at all. Even up until today this had not changed. By calling him by his real name in the Ministry of Magic and reminding him of where he came from Dumbledore had once more managed to anger Voldemort so much with such a simple action, that he had become careless, sealing of his own defeat like so many times before.  
  
He clenched his fists, his fingernails digging into his palm, drawing blood. This had to stop; there was no reason for him to feel inferior to anyone. Or was there? He shook his head, trying to get rid of these stupid doubts. Lighting the fireplace he walked over to his desk and sat down. He hesitated for a moment, trying to remember what it was he had been doing before Lucius had come in. He stared at the book that lay in front of him. Had he been reading? He picked it up and flipped through the first few pages, but nothing seemed familiar. Groaning in frustration he threw the book back onto the table, blaming his forgetfulness on his rather bad mood and being generally tired. He decided to go to bed and get some much needed rest, there was an important Deatheater meeting scheduled for tomorrow morning after all and he couldn't afford to step in front of his Deatheaters in a state like this.  
  
.-~*~-.  
  
It was almost 10 in the morning and the Deatheaters had been assembled for nearly an hour. The meeting had been scheduled to begin at 9 and Lord Voldemort had yet to emerge from his chambers.  
  
Lucius Malfoy was pacing up and down the corridor in front of the conference hall. Everyone was in an uproar already. Voldemort had never been late, not once in all the years Lucius had served him, had he witnessed him being late. Almost an hour had passed since the last oft the Deatheaters had arrived, out of breath and fearing to be punished for not arriving on time, knowing their Masters dislike for tardiness. Today however it seemed like everyone would have been able to sleep in without having to fear anything.  
  
Lucius stopped his pacing and glanced at his pocket watch, Voldemort was by now a full hour late. This wasn't normal, something was definitely amiss. Deciding to go and check on him, he cast Bellatrix Lestranges, who had been staring at him for a while now, a meaningful glance. She immediately walked over to him. She had long since taken off the mask the Deatheaters were usually wearing and Lucius was able to see her worried expression. "Lucius, where is he?" she whispered "The others are beginning to ask questions, some are even getting suspicious." He looked over the room. Some of the Deatheaters had stopped their previous conversations and were now watching them. "I'm aware of that," Lucius replied quietly "but I don't know either. I wanted to go and see what is wrong. You keep the others occupied in the meantime; tell them something important came up that our Lord had to attend to." Bellatrix nodded "I will." She then hesitated for a moment and before walking back to the assembled Deatheaters added "I hope you didn't poison him with this potion of yours."  
  
She didn't look back and Lucius started down the corridor. He was well aware of the threat behind her simple words and felt his own worries increase unpleasantly. He didn't want to think about what his fellow Deatheaters would do to him, should the potion have had any unforeseen adverse effects. A sentence in Azkaban suddenly didn't sound so bad anymore...  
  
.-~*~-.  
  
Standing in front of the doors to Voldemorts chambers, Lucius knocked but received no reply, he knocked a second time, but again everything stayed quiet. Deciding this was an emergency, he ignored that he had not been allowed to enter and pushed the doors open, stepping inside the room.  
  
He found it deserted and looking around he couldn't see anything out of the ordinary. The fire in the fireplace was barely glomming and in fact everything was as it had been when he had left the night before. He shook his head, was it possible that Voldemort had just overslept? The mere thought was ridiculous, but everything was pointing towards it. Lucius knocked on the bedroom door, by now not really expecting an immediate reply. To his surprise though, he didn't have to wait long and the door swung open, to his embarrassment revealing a rather dozy looking Voldemort, whose hair was sticking out in every direction.  
  
"What is it?" he snapped. "Didn't I tell you not to disturb me today?" Staring down at him, Lucius hesitated, then bowed down. For a moment having entertained the thought of pointing out that he had never received any such order, but he knew better than to argue with his Master and nodded quickly, "Yes, I know My Lord, but it was urgent, it is already quarter past ten!" Voldemort looked confused for a moment. "Why is that a problem? It's quarter past ten every morning, seven days a week." Lucius sincerely hoped that he wasn't being serious, but then, he never joked, or at least not when it wasn't at another person's expense. Wondering what it was with these childish remarks he sighed "My Lord, have you forgotten the meeting that was scheduled for 9 o'clock this morning? Everyone is waiting already."  
  
Slowly but surely realization seemed to dawn on his face, green eyes widening considerably. "The meeting.?" he repeated, looking to the side as if in deep thought for a moment, and just when Lucius wanted to inquire what was wrong with him continued: "Of course, the meeting, how could I forget...?" He then turned around as if in a trance, and shut the door behind him. "I'll be out in a minute, tell them." there was silence followed by the sound of a wardrobe being opened "Argh, just go and tell them something, to keep them from asking too many questions!" "I have already taken care of that My Lord." Lucius answered vaguely, trying his best to convince himself that there was nothing wrong with his Master.  
  
.-~*~-.  
  
Inside, Voldemort was standing in front of his wardrobe, staring at his cloths that were a variation of black, black and well, black, but was too lost in his thoughts to really see them. He was trying his best to remember the meeting Lucius was talking about, but found that he couldn't. The man had been serious, that much was for sure, he wasn't the kind of person to joke over anything as important as this and not with him either, Lucius knew better than to anger him. Still it was as if his memory of everything to do with it had been wiped out and he was unpleasantly reminded of how he hadn't been able to remember what he had been doing last night, before Lucius had come into his room. Coming to think of it, what was it again that Lucius had wanted yesterday? He swallowed, grabbing the first robe, not really caring what it looked like right now. He had to make sure that no one noticed, they would think he was loosing his mind. Was he loosing his mind? It was definitely not normal.  
  
He quickly got dressed, not wanting to cause any more suspicion than he probably already had, but was distracted from the task ahead again when he found that his robe didn't fit at all. Asking himself since when he owned clothing that was too big for him, he shook his head before grabbing another one, only to discover that that one wasn't his size either. Voldemort cursed under his breath, now simply adjusting the robe's size magically. Sighing he massaged his temples for a moment, feeling the beginning of a terrible migraine forming. The day had only just begun and was already one of the worst of his life. He stepped in front of his mirror, to see if he looked at least halfway presentable, but it turned out to have been a bad idea when he saw his teenage self staring back at him.  
  
This was it, on top of forgetting lots of things he was beginning to hallucinate as well.  
  
.-~*~-.  
  
"Master? Is everything alright?" Lucius asked after the minute had become a full 15 minutes. Voldemort turned towards the door, for probably the first time in years feeling nervous. "Feeling nervous?" he then asked himself. "Why should I feel nervous?" he almost laughed out loud at the thoughts ridiculousness. "It's not as if they have any right to question me and my actions. When I decide to change my appearance or do not arrive on time, I have every right to do so." He for the moment ignored the fact that he, as far as he knew, had done neither, or at least not willingly and being in what was probably the worst mood in weeks, he left his bedroom.  
  
The first person to annoy him today was going to regret it.  
  
.-~*~-.  
  
Lucius glanced sideways at Voldemort while they were walking down the corridors to the Conference Hall, trying to decide whether he should ask him what was wrong or better leave it. Judging by the frown on his young face he would probably not hesitate to curse him. Lucius was sure by now, that his Lord's strange behavior had to do with the potion, it was the only explanation. As soon as the meeting was over and if, what he sincerely hoped, no one else had noticed anything, he had to go to the library. He had to find out what had gone wrong, before it got any worse. The fact that Voldemort hadn't even suggested that his sleeping in had to do with the potion was suspicious enough without taking the rest into account. He usually would have used every opportunity he got to blame it on somebody else.  
  
Turning around the final corner Lucius noticed that Voldemort wasn't at his side anymore and had instead started to walk into the opposite direction. "My Lord!" Lucius whispered frantically. "The Conference Hall is this way!" the addressed stopped dead in his tracks, before turning around and brushing past Lucius in a huff "I know that!" he snapped irritated and Lucius couldn't do anything but watch him leave.  
  
Praying for a miracle to happen, he followed him the rest of the way, keeping his distance and putting his mask on. It couldn't possibly get any worse.  
  
Little did he know how wrong he was.  
  
.-~*~-.  
  
They had been greeted by silence upon entering the Hall; everyone had been standing in the usual circle, waiting patiently. The Deatheaters had obviously bought the quickly made up excuse to explain his absence, even though he had no idea as to what Lucius had told them. However things had quickly gone downhill from there.  
  
After having been told more than 5 times that this or that had already been discussed weeks or even months ago, Voldemort wanted to shrink back into his throne and was feeling slightly nauseous. Never in his entire life had he felt more stupid and it made him furious to be making a fool of himself. He didn't fail to notice that quite a few Deatheaters had started whispering among themselves and even Crabbe and Goyle who usually didn't notice anything unless it hit them square in the face, had begun to look around in confusion. He felt cornered; he had to do something and quickly. "Silence" he hollered, his migraine getting worse by the minute. How was he supposed to think when everyone was whispering? Couldn't they see that he had enough on his mind as it was?  
  
To his immense relief Lucius spoke up. "My Lord, perhaps we should discuss who is going to collect the poison consignment in Knockturn Alley which was supposed to arrive today. I know that it's usually I who takes care of this, but in the light of recent events it would perhaps be best not to send anyone alone since some of the information could have been leaked to the Aurors by. certain individuals. "He glanced at Severus Snape for a moment, who in turn glared at Lucius.  
  
Voldemort nodded his head. Looking over the assembled Deatheaters to decide whom he would send, but just when he wanted to name the Deatheater who would accompany Lucius, he felt the name slipping away. "This can't be.!" he thought, almost whispering it out loud "I know I knew his name just seconds ago!" He continued to stare at Nott who was trying his best stay calm despite his Masters horrified expression. "What is this? Why can't I remember him when I know I should?" Knowing that he had to say something and not wanting to risk further embarrassments he made a decision. "I will accompany you myself. There are things I have to attend to anyway." Standing up he looked around once more. "Meeting adjourned, we will discuss further procedures next week. You may leave now."  
  
Not even waiting for the Deatheaters to leave the room, he quickly walked over to Lucius who did not seem to be too happy about his decision. "We will travel by floo in half an hour, meet me in my study." With that he left the Hall as one of the first, not wanting to have to explain to Lucius why they wouldn't be apparating.  
  
He could hardly tell him that he didn't know how to.  
  
.-~*~-.  
  
Having been allowed to leave, Severus Snape apparated without hesitating another second, he had to tell Dumbledore what he had witnessed as quickly as possible. This was quite possibly the moment that would decide who won this war.  
  
Lucius who stood only a few feet away, knew what was going to happen now, but he didn't have another choice, had he not spoken up the meeting would have ended in even more of a disaster than it already had. He now had to convince his Lord that they couldn't possibly go when Dumbledore knew and maybe they would still manage to avoid the impending catastrophe.  
  
.-~*~-.-~*~- .-~*~-.-~*~- .-~*~-.-~*~- .-~*~-.-~*~- .-~*~-.-~*~-  
  
note: When I showed this chapter to a friend of mine, she told me it was a little confusing and unclear why Voldemort is forgetting only certain things while he remembers others. The explanation is relatively simple; he forgets everything that happened before the potion began to work, starting with the most recent events: taking the potion, what he did before Lucius came in, the meeting and so on. ( Everything that happened afterwards he remembers clearly, but gets more and more confused because of a lack of.well, background information. It's like remembering you had to go somewhere but not why because that bit of information was erased. ;) Also, because of loosing his memories he acts more and more like the 17 year old teenager he now basically is.  
  
Thanks so much to those who reviewed ^___^  
  
lazybug: I hope you still think that it is going to be good now ^^; (thanks :) )  
  
Vixen: I'm glad you liked it. I had hoped to write something halfway original since almost everything has been done already.  
  
Lady Evanescence: thank you :)  
  
Next Chapter:  
  
Dumbledore is informed of the happenings in the latest Deatheater meeting and a for most Order members surprising plan is set into action. On the other side of the fence Lucius is not able to convince Voldemort to stay away from Knockturn Alley. + Hermione makes her first appearance. 


End file.
